Facebook is full of FAIL, and yet I am suckered into it like anyone else. What I really love is when I get a friend request from someone I don't know, don't have any friends in common with, and proves to be totally, 100% disgusting.
With that I give you Stevey and his wonderwall:
I think my favorite in that list is "Cheese or Oral Sex?" I would like to know if, in the history of humankind, someone has ever had to choose between the two. I'm pretty sure you can have both, if that's what you desire. I didn't realize they competed against each other often enough to warrant a Facebook group.
Lest you think Stevey is some sort of PERVERT, let it be known:
I have been trying, as of late, to figure out what kind of karmic payback will be due to me after the last few weeks.
Just look at the last few posts. Sara and I got animated! Someone made us LiveJournal icons! Our vlogs have been all over the place. I met muthafuckin WESCRAVEN (by the way, I really think someone needs to make a show called "That's So Wes Craven!"). It's all a little much.
Then, friends, my husband scored SNL tickets to this weekend's show. You know, the show with the three headed beast herself - SARAH PALIN - on it. Too much, just too much.
What kind of payback will the universe send me for all this bounty? I shudder to think.
However, I will say if you ever get the chance to see SNL in the flesh - do it! It's way more fun and flies by when you're there. At home I rarely watch the whole thing, but there's so much more magic going on in person. Just watching the crew transform the tiny studio so quickly, and gracefully into a number of stages, and watching the flow of crew and talent is mesmerizing enough to make you forget about the commercial breaks. There was something both creepy and endearing about watching crew members rush guests off the stage while holding their hands.
Warming up the crowd, Fred Armisen played guitar with the SNL band while Kristen Wiig sang Blondie's "One Way or Another" - totally fun and who knew Kristen had a great voice? Josh Brolin was a really great host. His monologue was strong (referencing his amazing work on GOONIES of all things) and I just really liked his vibe.
Know what I didn't like? Sarah Palin.
She seems to be getting a lot of credit for this appearance and I'm left wondering why? Everyone around her did the heavy lifting and she did what she's done this whole campaign - sit there, read her script, and looked pretty. Who's surprised by this? How much credit needs to be given for raising the roof during a rap mocking you?
I will say, seeing Tina Fey and Sarah Palin pass by each other was pretty cool. They are extremely similar in body type. Roughly the same height and, um, CRAZY THIN.
And just as an insider note - my lil' corner of the audience tried to boo Palin at several points, but we weren't heard. Also, we spotted several VIPs being ushered onto the special floor seats wearing McCain/Palin buttons, so make of that what you will.
You might notice that during the rap (which was funny because Poehler did it with such gusto) the line "you say Obama, I say Ayres" totally fell flat with the audience.
True to form, our Sarah Palin totally thought she NAILED everything and is looking forward to a career in comedy following her earth-shattering appearance (note Dina's SNL bracelet for an added touch of authenticity):
Well, hi! If you're new around here it's likely due to the Sarah Palin vlogs. They are quite hilarious, I agree. Want more? Haven't seen the latest batch? Have you seen the face of Dina Heath-Barr?
Palin Vlog #7 (DINA APPEARS)
Palin Vlog #8 (Burning "Go Ask Alice" is good for the environment)
Palin Vlog #9 (First Church of Sarah Palin, Jesus Christ)
Palin Vlog #10 (In which we call for Keith Olbermann's dismantling)
These have been SOOO much fun to be a part of. Sara Benincasa not only does an amazing Palin, but she busts ass and edits these puppies. As a result of her hard work the vlogs have been featured in Wired, Newsweek, Time, and aired on CNN (we love you Wolf Blitzer). I'm still holding out hope that Rachel Maddow will ask us to be on her show so that she can ask me to run away with her. Sam said he was okay with that.
If you're new around here, feel free to have a poke around the blog. You can also catch me on Twitter and Facebook, and see some of my comedy here and here !
Can't get enough of Sara Benincasa's brilliant satirical take on Sarah Palin? Neither can we. I'm telling you, I haven't had this much fun since I was a child. It's like grown-up happy play time where we get to play pretend.
So, here are #5 and #6 - but keep an eye out on Sara's YouTube channel because another one is in the hopper and Dina (moi) makes an appearance!
There is more, so much more Sarah Palin vlogging in store for you all. We had three more, and they are all over the damn internet. Watch these and learn to live again:
Sarah Palin Vlog #2
Sarah Palin Vlog #3 (The number 1 featured comedy on YouTube!)
Sarah Palin Vlog #4
Sara Benincasa not only gave an amazing performance, but edited all of these. The improving between us as Sarah Palin and Dina Heath-Barr was nothing short of magical. Be on the look out for more goodness.
Y'all I am not feeling Blogger as of late. Blogging in general was kind of riding my jock in an way I did not enjoy. Some jock riding is pleasurable. But this kind was chafing. So I've switched to Tumblr because it's what all the cool kids who read Gawker do. Also, I kind of like how I can just post a pic and be done with it.
As I begin to rapid mood cycle once more, I looked to Teh Google to self-diagnose. In an effort to see what symptoms for ADD/ADHD might be and if that might be the latest thing to justify my behavior, I found this:
Yes, what if my mental disorder was a GIFT and I learned from this guy:
Look at the gift of ADD he bears complete with a stiff, awkward gesture like so many magi. How could you not want this gift when the packaging comes in the form of Lurch in an ill-fitting Men's Warehouse suit?
I read today that Jacques Diouf, a UN food agency chief, blasted the West for obesity amidst food shortages around the world. One quote from Diouf on the topic was "no one understands ... how over-consumption by obese people in the world costs 20 billion dollars each year."
I have a lot of problems with the simplicity of this statement. As though there is a secret obese cabal lurking in the shadows, gleefully consuming to spite the rest of the world. But let's not get into nuance. It's not what you come here for, and it's not something I'm particularly good at. Let's get to the nut meat. Amidst this very serious article was the following photo:
What I most love is the contrast of the aggressive, almost vicious look on the fat kid's face as he takes down more cotton candy and the sweet, pensive, delicate look the starving child gives. It's as though the fat kid could easily be eating one of the malnourished child's limbs.
I'm going to go out on a limb and make a contentious statement that might alienate some people - I fucking love centaurs. They are my favorite mythical creatures.
Sometimes I think about what it would be like to be a centaur. In fact, I have a centaur related question that I believe reveals a lot about a person. Ready? If you woke up tomorrow and you were a centaur, would you feel obligated to wear pants/underwear in public?
I asked a co-worker this once and she said to me, "no...I don't believe I would...why would I? That's just beautiful...that's a beautiful thing." There was mist in her eyes.
I can't think of many things that would make a centaur better. They're pretty amazing on their own, but someone else found a way.
Reader, that is a Patrick Swayze centaur. Do you understand what you're looking at? A PATRICK SWAYZE CENTAUR IN A CHIPPENDALE'S UNIFORM! I need to know the story behind this tattoo more than I have ever needed to know the story behind a tattoo in my life. This is not a life half-lived, I am sure of that much.
And, yeah, I took this weekend off. Get off my back and remember:
I admit, when I first heard the "buuuurrrrr" it seemed clear it could be nothing BUT a fart. Tim Russert certainly doesn't look like a man capable of holding in his farts. In fact, I'm willing to wager that he let one right at the moment this book cover photo was taken.
After reading the update and some of the comments, I realized upon a second viewing it very well could be someone agreeing with him. I do not want to live in a world where Tim Russert DOESN'T FART ON AIR, and so, I refuse to yield.
OMFG, why is Gossip Girl such a central force in my life right now? First, the Gossip Girl Summit, then the accompanying Gossip Girl tumblr blog Sara Benincasa and I write together, and now Heather Fink and Sara B are killing me with this Gossip Girl parody (NSFW).
I don't have tattoos. I have not been entirely consistent in my feelings towards them. But one thing is sure - I'm now no longer on the fence after seeing this one.
I want to see more tattoos like this, because it is inspiring. You understand that the dolphin has a tribal arm band, right? That he's sitting on a ripped barc-a-lounger and smoking a bong? You've explored the rich tapestry of this tattoo, yes?
Thank the gods the day has come when I can do another Wilford Brimley post. It has been too long. Blogging about Wilford is the right thing to do, and a tasty way to do it.
Brimley has been 65 years old as far back as I can remember - which is at least two decades. That stache, that perfectly round head, that straight talk - it is a heady mix. He just won't go away. Everytime there was a dip in Brimley exposure, he found some new product to shill, and inject himself back into our collective unconscious. And now we can combine all the pleasures of Brimley with all the loveable furriness of LOLcats.
Serendipity smiled on me once more because as I was searching for a Brimley video clip to go with this, I found this charming remix of Brimley saying "diabeetus" repeatedly to the tune of "Amadeus."
List of the Day had me hyperventilating this morning with a list of the best moments in photobombing ("people who hilariously ruin your nice little picture"). My favorites?
Bonus points for being an albino.
Right next to the dude with the air brushed Pink Panther tshirt - BOLD.
In the interest of full disclosure, my father works for General Mills. My dad has spent evenings talking about flour at dinner parties. I love my father dearly, but his passion for cereal making is a mystery to me. And while I have seen some questionable things come out of General Mills, I have yet to see anything that tops the load of horseshit Kellogg's just dumped all over the American public.
I give you "Under the Hood," a line of "urban" men's clothing based on Kellogg's cereals. Keep in mind that the tshirts are $40 and the hoodies are over $100.
This might be a stretch, but seeing as there is a food crisis going on, I'm finding this photo particularly offensive.
Such decadence! But really, look more closely. Because I think the Latino one was actually captured in the middle of a mild stroke. Look how dead and glassy his eyes are.
For those still reeling from Spastic Colon Sunday, I have a few things for you that are essentially Prozac for the eyes. They will heal you in places you didn't know where even broken. Such is their power.
Keep your dolphin rape tales away from me, okay, because this shit has just about earned dolphins all the PR they'll ever need in my books.
Conservation officer Malcolm Smith told the BBC that he and a group of other people had tried in vain for an hour and a half to get the whales to sea.
The pygmy sperm whales had repeatedly beached, and both they and the humans were tired and set to give up, he said.
But then the dolphin appeared, communicated with the whales, and led them to safety.
The bottlenose dolphin, called Moko by local residents, is well known for playing with swimmers off Mahia beach on the east coast of the North Island.
Mr Smith said that just when his team was flagging, the dolphin showed up and made straight for them.
"I don't speak whale and I don't speak dolphin," Mr Smith told the BBC, "but there was obviously something that went on because the two whales changed their attitude from being quite distressed to following the dolphin quite willingly and directly along the beach and straight out to sea."
"I shouldn't do this I know, we are meant to remain scientific," Mr Smith said, "but I actually went into the water with the dolphin and gave it a pat afterwards because she really did save the day."
Are you still down? List of the Day provides another video to balm your emotional wounds. Put things into perspective - at least you are not this woman.
I don't know what my friend was doing the other day that would warrant her coming across this delightful moment in Flickr history, but I'd like to thank her, even if it might mean she's a pervert.
Why you'd choose to keep that particular toe in the shot is beyond me, especially when you're trying to be sexy. But it made me think, we all know about foot fetishists - but there are probably people who get off on busted ass toes and crumpled up feet, and sure enough.
imperfect_toes is a stand up guy. He's not content to make this all about your average woman, walking around with busted ass feet, oblivious to the sweating, heavy-breathing man frantically using his camera phone to capture an intimate moment on the deck or a brief afternoon outing to Kohl's. And he's not above pointing out the obvious. He digs deep to find famous bunions. I was ready to crown imperfect_toes king freak, but I think Bunionphille really puts in a hard days' work. Also, his avatar kind of rules.
But what really moves me, is bunionphille's semi-literate prose. It is filled with such raw, haunting want.
I thought the dickhat business blew me away, but damn, I have to go and find this article.
What exactly is happening to us as a species? But hold up, because it gets even better:
A stunned security guard stumbled onto the man in the middle of a compromising act with the cleaner, which has a large smiley face painted on its front and a hose protruding from its "nose".
Look, mortals, upon the face of seduction!
You naughty little minx, you! Hey, if you bang a vacuum cleaner named Henry, does that make you GAY? Only if you take it!
Moving on:
When later questioned by his employers, the man said he was vacuuming his underpants, which was "a common practice in Poland". He has since been fired.
Oh, Poland, have you no lint rollers or vaginas?
Can I just follow up with a "I wonder what Dateline: Poland must be like!" HEYOHHHHHHH!
Okay, let's be clear, I'm sure being freakishly beautiful is a bizarre experience. And I'm sure there's weirdness when you're, as one musical and occasionally lesbianic patchouli wearer said, "the prettiest girl in the room."
But it's a bold move to claim that you were kicked out of a plane for being pretty. You better back that shit up. From the video CNN posted, I can see how both of these girls' behavior could be the opposite of pretty.
Facebook is full of FAIL, and yet I am suckered into it like anyone else. What I really love is when I get a friend request from someone I don't know, don't have any friends in common with, and proves to be totally, 100% disgusting.
With that I give you Stevey and his wonderwall:
I think my favorite in that list is "Cheese or Oral Sex?" I would like to know if, in the history of humankind, someone has ever had to choose between the two. I'm pretty sure you can have both, if that's what you desire. I didn't realize they competed against each other often enough to warrant a Facebook group.
Lest you think Stevey is some sort of PERVERT, let it be known:
Deep breaths. I'm fairly confident Obama will win next Tuesday..."Dancing With the Stars" AND the Election. Done deal.
My biggest fear? The Hot Mess from Alaska keeps gunnin' for power. Forget "A chicken in every pot" -- we're gonna be seein' bumpers with this sticker: A GUN IN EVERY HOUSE AND A BABY IN EVERY BELLY.
I have been trying, as of late, to figure out what kind of karmic payback will be due to me after the last few weeks.
Just look at the last few posts. Sara and I got animated! Someone made us LiveJournal icons! Our vlogs have been all over the place. I met muthafuckin WESCRAVEN (by the way, I really think someone needs to make a show called "That's So Wes Craven!"). It's all a little much.
Then, friends, my husband scored SNL tickets to this weekend's show. You know, the show with the three headed beast herself - SARAH PALIN - on it. Too much, just too much.
What kind of payback will the universe send me for all this bounty? I shudder to think.
However, I will say if you ever get the chance to see SNL in the flesh - do it! It's way more fun and flies by when you're there. At home I rarely watch the whole thing, but there's so much more magic going on in person. Just watching the crew transform the tiny studio so quickly, and gracefully into a number of stages, and watching the flow of crew and talent is mesmerizing enough to make you forget about the commercial breaks. There was something both creepy and endearing about watching crew members rush guests off the stage while holding their hands.
Warming up the crowd, Fred Armisen played guitar with the SNL band while Kristen Wiig sang Blondie's "One Way or Another" - totally fun and who knew Kristen had a great voice? Josh Brolin was a really great host. His monologue was strong (referencing his amazing work on GOONIES of all things) and I just really liked his vibe.
Know what I didn't like? Sarah Palin.
She seems to be getting a lot of credit for this appearance and I'm left wondering why? Everyone around her did the heavy lifting and she did what she's done this whole campaign - sit there, read her script, and looked pretty. Who's surprised by this? How much credit needs to be given for raising the roof during a rap mocking you?
I will say, seeing Tina Fey and Sarah Palin pass by each other was pretty cool. They are extremely similar in body type. Roughly the same height and, um, CRAZY THIN.
And just as an insider note - my lil' corner of the audience tried to boo Palin at several points, but we weren't heard. Also, we spotted several VIPs being ushered onto the special floor seats wearing McCain/Palin buttons, so make of that what you will.
You might notice that during the rap (which was funny because Poehler did it with such gusto) the line "you say Obama, I say Ayres" totally fell flat with the audience.
True to form, our Sarah Palin totally thought she NAILED everything and is looking forward to a career in comedy following her earth-shattering appearance (note Dina's SNL bracelet for an added touch of authenticity):
Awesome entry. It was neat to hear about all the behind-the-scenes stuff! I just posted about Wiig on my blog. She's freakin histerical. My friend and I have been trying to get SNL tickets. Our day will come.
Well, hi! If you're new around here it's likely due to the Sarah Palin vlogs. They are quite hilarious, I agree. Want more? Haven't seen the latest batch? Have you seen the face of Dina Heath-Barr?
Palin Vlog #7 (DINA APPEARS)
Palin Vlog #8 (Burning "Go Ask Alice" is good for the environment)
Palin Vlog #9 (First Church of Sarah Palin, Jesus Christ)
Palin Vlog #10 (In which we call for Keith Olbermann's dismantling)
These have been SOOO much fun to be a part of. Sara Benincasa not only does an amazing Palin, but she busts ass and edits these puppies. As a result of her hard work the vlogs have been featured in Wired, Newsweek, Time, and aired on CNN (we love you Wolf Blitzer). I'm still holding out hope that Rachel Maddow will ask us to be on her show so that she can ask me to run away with her. Sam said he was okay with that.
If you're new around here, feel free to have a poke around the blog. You can also catch me on Twitter and Facebook, and see some of my comedy here and here !
Can't get enough of Sara Benincasa's brilliant satirical take on Sarah Palin? Neither can we. I'm telling you, I haven't had this much fun since I was a child. It's like grown-up happy play time where we get to play pretend.
So, here are #5 and #6 - but keep an eye out on Sara's YouTube channel because another one is in the hopper and Dina (moi) makes an appearance!
Sarah Palin Vlogs, Unearths Complex Family History
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
There is more, so much more Sarah Palin vlogging in store for you all. We had three more, and they are all over the damn internet. Watch these and learn to live again:
Sarah Palin Vlog #2
Sarah Palin Vlog #3 (The number 1 featured comedy on YouTube!)
Sarah Palin Vlog #4
Sara Benincasa not only gave an amazing performance, but edited all of these. The improving between us as Sarah Palin and Dina Heath-Barr was nothing short of magical. Be on the look out for more goodness.
Y'all I am not feeling Blogger as of late. Blogging in general was kind of riding my jock in an way I did not enjoy. Some jock riding is pleasurable. But this kind was chafing. So I've switched to Tumblr because it's what all the cool kids who read Gawker do. Also, I kind of like how I can just post a pic and be done with it.
As I begin to rapid mood cycle once more, I looked to Teh Google to self-diagnose. In an effort to see what symptoms for ADD/ADHD might be and if that might be the latest thing to justify my behavior, I found this:
Yes, what if my mental disorder was a GIFT and I learned from this guy:
Look at the gift of ADD he bears complete with a stiff, awkward gesture like so many magi. How could you not want this gift when the packaging comes in the form of Lurch in an ill-fitting Men's Warehouse suit?
I read today that Jacques Diouf, a UN food agency chief, blasted the West for obesity amidst food shortages around the world. One quote from Diouf on the topic was "no one understands ... how over-consumption by obese people in the world costs 20 billion dollars each year."
I have a lot of problems with the simplicity of this statement. As though there is a secret obese cabal lurking in the shadows, gleefully consuming to spite the rest of the world. But let's not get into nuance. It's not what you come here for, and it's not something I'm particularly good at. Let's get to the nut meat. Amidst this very serious article was the following photo:
What I most love is the contrast of the aggressive, almost vicious look on the fat kid's face as he takes down more cotton candy and the sweet, pensive, delicate look the starving child gives. It's as though the fat kid could easily be eating one of the malnourished child's limbs.
I'm sorry but if you are a fat turd from the the bountiful folds of the American heartland, you are going to consume carbs, growth hormone-injected meat, and palett after palett of beer. What has the East African desert ever offered us besides dust? Distribution is the issue, not consumption.
I'm going to go out on a limb and make a contentious statement that might alienate some people - I fucking love centaurs. They are my favorite mythical creatures.
Sometimes I think about what it would be like to be a centaur. In fact, I have a centaur related question that I believe reveals a lot about a person. Ready? If you woke up tomorrow and you were a centaur, would you feel obligated to wear pants/underwear in public?
I asked a co-worker this once and she said to me, "no...I don't believe I would...why would I? That's just beautiful...that's a beautiful thing." There was mist in her eyes.
I can't think of many things that would make a centaur better. They're pretty amazing on their own, but someone else found a way.
Reader, that is a Patrick Swayze centaur. Do you understand what you're looking at? A PATRICK SWAYZE CENTAUR IN A CHIPPENDALE'S UNIFORM! I need to know the story behind this tattoo more than I have ever needed to know the story behind a tattoo in my life. This is not a life half-lived, I am sure of that much.
And, yeah, I took this weekend off. Get off my back and remember:
I admit, when I first heard the "buuuurrrrr" it seemed clear it could be nothing BUT a fart. Tim Russert certainly doesn't look like a man capable of holding in his farts. In fact, I'm willing to wager that he let one right at the moment this book cover photo was taken.
After reading the update and some of the comments, I realized upon a second viewing it very well could be someone agreeing with him. I do not want to live in a world where Tim Russert DOESN'T FART ON AIR, and so, I refuse to yield.
OMFG, why is Gossip Girl such a central force in my life right now? First, the Gossip Girl Summit, then the accompanying Gossip Girl tumblr blog Sara Benincasa and I write together, and now Heather Fink and Sara B are killing me with this Gossip Girl parody (NSFW).
I don't have tattoos. I have not been entirely consistent in my feelings towards them. But one thing is sure - I'm now no longer on the fence after seeing this one.
I want to see more tattoos like this, because it is inspiring. You understand that the dolphin has a tribal arm band, right? That he's sitting on a ripped barc-a-lounger and smoking a bong? You've explored the rich tapestry of this tattoo, yes?
Thank the gods the day has come when I can do another Wilford Brimley post. It has been too long. Blogging about Wilford is the right thing to do, and a tasty way to do it.
Brimley has been 65 years old as far back as I can remember - which is at least two decades. That stache, that perfectly round head, that straight talk - it is a heady mix. He just won't go away. Everytime there was a dip in Brimley exposure, he found some new product to shill, and inject himself back into our collective unconscious. And now we can combine all the pleasures of Brimley with all the loveable furriness of LOLcats.
Serendipity smiled on me once more because as I was searching for a Brimley video clip to go with this, I found this charming remix of Brimley saying "diabeetus" repeatedly to the tune of "Amadeus."
List of the Day had me hyperventilating this morning with a list of the best moments in photobombing ("people who hilariously ruin your nice little picture"). My favorites?
Bonus points for being an albino.
Right next to the dude with the air brushed Pink Panther tshirt - BOLD.
In the interest of full disclosure, my father works for General Mills. My dad has spent evenings talking about flour at dinner parties. I love my father dearly, but his passion for cereal making is a mystery to me. And while I have seen some questionable things come out of General Mills, I have yet to see anything that tops the load of horseshit Kellogg's just dumped all over the American public.
I give you "Under the Hood," a line of "urban" men's clothing based on Kellogg's cereals. Keep in mind that the tshirts are $40 and the hoodies are over $100.
This might be a stretch, but seeing as there is a food crisis going on, I'm finding this photo particularly offensive.
Such decadence! But really, look more closely. Because I think the Latino one was actually captured in the middle of a mild stroke. Look how dead and glassy his eyes are.
It's because commercials aren't working anymore. But is it too much to ask for a pic of Sonny taking a nice, long pee on Lucky? Or Toucan Sam stabbing someone with his beak?
Those three are clearly stoned out of their gourds on Froot Loops and Frosted Flakes. Shit's all over the table.. dude's got a giant bowl.. the other one's passing him more.. "here, try this.. it's good shit." All that's missing is a scale and some baggies.
if you read 'the omnivore's dilemma' this'll actually make sense. since a person can only eat 1500 pounds of cereal a year, gen mills needs to diversify its market share. but honestly, they should just make diapers.
For those still reeling from Spastic Colon Sunday, I have a few things for you that are essentially Prozac for the eyes. They will heal you in places you didn't know where even broken. Such is their power.
Keep your dolphin rape tales away from me, okay, because this shit has just about earned dolphins all the PR they'll ever need in my books.
Conservation officer Malcolm Smith told the BBC that he and a group of other people had tried in vain for an hour and a half to get the whales to sea.
The pygmy sperm whales had repeatedly beached, and both they and the humans were tired and set to give up, he said.
But then the dolphin appeared, communicated with the whales, and led them to safety.
The bottlenose dolphin, called Moko by local residents, is well known for playing with swimmers off Mahia beach on the east coast of the North Island.
Mr Smith said that just when his team was flagging, the dolphin showed up and made straight for them.
"I don't speak whale and I don't speak dolphin," Mr Smith told the BBC, "but there was obviously something that went on because the two whales changed their attitude from being quite distressed to following the dolphin quite willingly and directly along the beach and straight out to sea."
"I shouldn't do this I know, we are meant to remain scientific," Mr Smith said, "but I actually went into the water with the dolphin and gave it a pat afterwards because she really did save the day."
Are you still down? List of the Day provides another video to balm your emotional wounds. Put things into perspective - at least you are not this woman.
I don't know what my friend was doing the other day that would warrant her coming across this delightful moment in Flickr history, but I'd like to thank her, even if it might mean she's a pervert.
Why you'd choose to keep that particular toe in the shot is beyond me, especially when you're trying to be sexy. But it made me think, we all know about foot fetishists - but there are probably people who get off on busted ass toes and crumpled up feet, and sure enough.
imperfect_toes is a stand up guy. He's not content to make this all about your average woman, walking around with busted ass feet, oblivious to the sweating, heavy-breathing man frantically using his camera phone to capture an intimate moment on the deck or a brief afternoon outing to Kohl's. And he's not above pointing out the obvious. He digs deep to find famous bunions. I was ready to crown imperfect_toes king freak, but I think Bunionphille really puts in a hard days' work. Also, his avatar kind of rules.
But what really moves me, is bunionphille's semi-literate prose. It is filled with such raw, haunting want.
In the first photo, I'm less disturbed by the toe and more disturbed at seeing the crotch of the thong that presumably just came out of his/her crack. Rate that one as "does not accurately portray fetish."
I thought the dickhat business blew me away, but damn, I have to go and find this article.
What exactly is happening to us as a species? But hold up, because it gets even better:
A stunned security guard stumbled onto the man in the middle of a compromising act with the cleaner, which has a large smiley face painted on its front and a hose protruding from its "nose".
Look, mortals, upon the face of seduction!
You naughty little minx, you! Hey, if you bang a vacuum cleaner named Henry, does that make you GAY? Only if you take it!
Moving on:
When later questioned by his employers, the man said he was vacuuming his underpants, which was "a common practice in Poland". He has since been fired.
Oh, Poland, have you no lint rollers or vaginas?
Can I just follow up with a "I wonder what Dateline: Poland must be like!" HEYOHHHHHHH!
FWIW, 30 years ago I had an ER patient who avulsed his distal glans with a Hoover. I had to give him some BS about how we needed to know mechanism of injury for proper treatment before he'd tell us the story.
Heard on deployment: "I'm not gay, but I'm starting to worry about my right hand."
Okay, let's be clear, I'm sure being freakishly beautiful is a bizarre experience. And I'm sure there's weirdness when you're, as one musical and occasionally lesbianic patchouli wearer said, "the prettiest girl in the room."
But it's a bold move to claim that you were kicked out of a plane for being pretty. You better back that shit up. From the video CNN posted, I can see how both of these girls' behavior could be the opposite of pretty.
