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Thursday, August 21, 2008

Somewhere back in the deep recesses of my brain, sandwiched between the ABC After School Special starring Calista Flockhart as an innovative, forward-thinking bulimic who taught us all about barfing in jars and that horrifying episode on Little House on the Prairie when Sylvia got raped by a mime, lives a darker memory. It’s the hazy memory of an 80s movie staring a young, plump Wendie Jo Sperber (RIP) as a lovable fat chick who is (obviously) a social outcast.

Wendie Jo Sperber, Team Chunk Pioneer

IMDB would have me believe that this was “Dinky Hocker.” All I know is that in this movie Wendie Jo was frantically shoveling ho-hos and other carb variants down her pie hole so fast she could barely breathe. But the scene that is really burned in my memory is the one where she is told by the Queen Bees that she’s allowed to join their sorority. She fully believes this is all on the up-and-up and gratefully partakes in their hazing rituals. They tell her to put on a bikini and wait in one of the rooms of the house for their analysis. As if this is not a horrifying enough proposition, what awaits her is so much worse.

We see poor Wendie Jo, huddled in a corner wearing a bright blue bikini. She looks pretty cute to me, but in TV land she is clearly revolting . When the door flies open it is not a bevy of sorority sisters, but a cute popular guy she has been tutoring and crushing on HARD. Wendie is stuck in the horrible, unimaginable situation of having to then RUN out of the room with her confused Crush looking on in complete confusion while some Alpha Bitch laughs hysterically.

I tell you this tale because this is what I am anticipating I tell you this tale because I feel like a chunky Wendie Jo, huddled in the corner after being nominated for the Hot Blogger Calendar. Surely, this will only end badly.

Part of me wants to win this to represent Team Chunk. The other part of me is terrified that a roomful of evil doers awaits with breathless anticipation to see me running, tears streaming down my face, cellulite bouncing, into the moonlight.

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