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Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Forgive me, readers, for I have sinned. It has been three days since my last real blog post. Do I have a real excuse? Well, as my disgusting slob of a spikey haired high school Philosophy teacher said "there are always reasons, but often very few excuses." She was a total See You Next Tuesday, but that phrase burned itself into my memory. Just like her flat, wide, inverted triangle of a trucker ass.

To make amends to you, gentle reader, I will introduce you to something so dazzlingly stupid, it may just be the Ark of the Covenant, but foolish. Like, retina-searing in its pure WTFedness:


It’s not a secret

It’s no secret that most women love chocolate. And most men already have a special
name for their “decider,” so the only next logical step is to give it some personality
with a sinfully dark chocolate hat. It’s a win-win situation for both parties!

Is this website a joke?

Nope! Sex toys are sooooooo 2007. It’s about time for something more adventurous and interactive. DickHats were inspired by a British poll done in May 2007 suggesting that many women prefer a sensuous piece of chocolate over a sexual encounter with her mate. DickHats were developed to undo this tragedy and bring the universe back into balance!

I like to think of the myriad ways this can go horribly wrong. Por ejemplo, I'm envisioning some chocolate addicted lass going downtown and looking adorably up at her mate, smiling, with chocolate blacking out her grill. Then I am imagining the horrendous , earth-shattering UTI that some dude is going to wake up with after he had the brilliant idea to smear marshmallow fluff all over his curved schlong and delicate dickhole to hold this helmut in place.

However, I will take off my own metaphorical dickhat to them for this amazing ad:

I approve of almost anything that employs the usage of: dickhead, cockhole, dickhole, or mushroom cap. I'm just biased like that.

What would the female equivalent of this be? I will not stand for the injustice! Where is our meatball sub flavored pussy lozenge?

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