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Friday, March 28, 2008

I am feeling very night before Christmas because, bitchez, I am getting the hell out of New York City and going back to New Zealand for the first time in five years!

For all of you people not in the know, NZ is a magical place. It is full of dolphins, blind, flightless birds, cala lillies, and hobbitses. Pound for pound, NZ can take on the biggest countries - especially in the category of odd news. How about some wombat rape? Or perhaps an SUV crashing into a home and knocking a man right off the shitter? NEW ZEALAND HAS IT ALL!

It also has the haka, which makes up for the fact that the New Zealand basketball team's name is, no joke, the Tall Blacks. And, no, they're not.

The haka is a traditional Maori dance. The New Zealand rugby team performs a version of the haka before games to scare the shit out of the opposing team and also strike fear and panic into the heart of whiteys all across the globe.

I present you with two fine vids of the haka:

Now, similar, but with THROAT SLITTING ACTION!

Want to know more? Google that shit. This ain't Wikipedia.

Anyhoodle pussy doodles, I am going to this magical land on Saturday and will return to this piss stained city once more on April 14th. BUT FOR ALL THE KIWIS WHO ARE READING THIS - I'm performing in Aotearoa!

Dates are still up in the air, but I will most definitely be around at Auckland's The Classic and The Wellington Comedy Club while I'm there - I'll post dates ASAP.

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